At this point;
I have realized I can’t compete.
I don’t want to waste my time trying anymore.
it must not have been as worth my time as I originally thought.
bigger and better things are to come[;
I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m reblogging this.
I just love it so much.
I miss my best friend.
When times are tough. Men turn in to assholes.
I must say that this week has been quite the test for my faith, personal strength and sanity, as well as my true feelings about friendships and relationships. But today. Ohhh today was the day that I almost felt defeated by all of the above.
Girls night out to Applebees. My roommate decided to invite her coworker. I thought nothing of it and was fine with the idea since apparently he had just broke up with his girl friend and was super upset about it.
He shows up. Not too bad looking. A little too thin and pale. But had an innocent face that looked to be overcome by the pain behind his deep blue eyes.
The conversations we had over virgin margaritas and beer seemed to be only between him and I. Jokes passed, only seemed to be caught by the two of us. The night passed quickly and before we knew it, Applebees was closed.
We left, came back to my apartment and sat in the living room talking for hours that seemed to pass just as quickly.
Day by day he came over, walking with me around the neighborhood until late hours of the night, then sitting in the same living room positions talking til day light would come through the windows. I was amazed on how comfortable I with this complete stranger.
Eventually we were a couple. Happy together, yet there was always something about him that I felt I couldn’t grasp. Something that was an untold mystery. Something that I knew was not good. Months passed. He decided to move in for a week to see if we like the arrangement.
We begin fighting over stupid situations such as me coming home an hour late from being with my mother, or me not spending enough one on one time with him.
He distances himself. Ignores my calls for 2 days. I write him a letter explaining that we will get through the tough times and that I am willing to work harder on spending more time with him.
Get this, I go to his house to drop off the letter and there he stands with a hickey the size of a 50 cent piece on his neck. My heart skips a beat. I lose my breath and feel the urge to vomit. My words are trembling as they struggle to make it out of my mouth.
"What happened to your neck".
His response, “My brother hit me.”
Liar. I knew what had happened. After multiple hours of tears and long talks with my mother, he finally confessed to what he had done.
He was a cheater. This whole time.
Maybe this post is a way of finalizing the situation. Maybe it’s a form of closure.
You would think that when I saw him with her, or when I asked if he was still with her and he replied “Yeah, I am.” I would be finished.
But his response only made me want him more.
It’s sickening how the only reason I want to be with this pig is because he doesn’t want to be with me.
I’ve blamed myself for what happened. And to his defense, it was my fault.
But at this point in time. I think it is best for us to cease any and all conversations with each other and move on.
Today was a tough day. And today I finally came to the conclusion that I cannot control what others do to hurt me. But I can control how I react, and if I ever let another person in to my life again.
Today was tough.